


Keep me awake.

by HectorMochi



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: It ends with cuddles, M/M, WE'RE SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION JOSE, felix 'thinking emoji' through the whole fic, sylvain pinky swears he's not running off with girls at night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 04:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20352082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HectorMochi/pseuds/HectorMochi
Summary: Something keeps Sylvain up at night, and Felix won't stop at nothing to get it out of him.





	Keep me awake.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make it angsty but then Sylvix kind of happened lmao, thanks for reading!

_ Those hands. _

What were their purpose this time? Was it a simple greeting? A slap on the cheek? Were their aiming for arms? His throat? His torso? 

He never knew. They always reached forward to take  _ something _ from him. He was no human to those hands after all; simply a _ toy, _ a  _ hindrance _ , or a _ Crest _ . His feelings were never considered; his opinions mattered little. He could tell them to stop, but they would not. They kept going, fingertips tracing his skin, searching for the part of him they wished to devour.

_ This was always the part where he lost his breath.  _

_ What part were they after this time?  _

The surface of their hand remained on his torso this time around. His body was already chained, but now he was completely frozen in place. 

How she whispered in his ear that she  _ adored him _ , how  _ he _ was so handsome, such a  _ darling, _ how they were  _ meant to be.  _ Yet, she did not look into his eyes. He could still not recall her face at all, only her voice.

Her damn,  _ seductive voice,  _ only  _ lusting _ for the Crest he bore and the  _ glory _ she would get from bearing a child.

_ He would rather have his brother’s hands around his throat than this fake woman destroying his body once again. _

The frost made it impossible for him to speak. He could only lay there, hearing her giggles, her fingertips melting into his skin like lava. She wanted to melt away everything there was of him, after all, all she cared about was the Crest.

Soon, only bones were left meanwhile everything else was a melted puddle beneath him. She loved to rub her cheek against his bones, feeling every inch of his Crest. The power that she wanted to gain for her own selfish desires.

* * *

His gasp was loud as his body hit the floor. Before him there was nothing but darkness. He took a moment to gain control of his breathing, meanwhile his hands frantically felt every inch of his body to make sure it was  _ there. _

Of all the nightmares, this was his least favorite one. His whole body shuddered from just thinking about it.

At least His Highness did not knock on the wall, so he did not wake him up this time around. Not that it was difficult to make excuses around him, as he only saw him as a skirt-chaser these days.

_ That was for the best. Worst-case scenario would be for the prince to suddenly give him pity… _

He sat up, grabbing the covers from his bed and wrapped himself up. His body did not respond properly yet, so this was the best he could do. The ice from the nightmare was still lingering in his body which made him shudder.

_ Would it be better if he went out there and made more girls hate him?  _

_ Would those hands stop touching him then? _

The amount of time he spent staring at the chair before him was unknown to him. A few minutes? Hours? Seconds? It did not matter. It was simply a confirmation that he was in reality rather than in that cursed hellscape called a dream.

Soon, he was on his feet. He knew Byleth would sense it if he went out  _ now _ , so he could not wander off tonight. His steps were stiff and slow, as if someone was clinging to his feet and trying to pull him back to bed.

He swallowed, doing his best to not listen to the whispers. Those were fake. It was only his imagination. Yet, he barely dared to move his hand out of the covers to push his door open carefully.

Even a little creak made him _ jump. _

Just to feel more secure, he pulled the covers over his head as a shield. If she was still behind him, she would have to pull it off, and then he could use some magic or something to stop her. He would not let her control him anymore tonight. He was in charge, no one else was going to take control of him.

He stopped before a door. His body was once again moving on its own. He bit his bottom lip in frustration over how he could not control himself properly. If only he had studied all night in the library again and just passed out, or just headed outside and wandered about somewhere at night, then he wouldn’t be here.

Yet, he still knocked on the door, and  _ carefully crept  _ inside. 

“...Felix…?” His voice was unusually meek. Why was he even here? Maybe it was better to just turn around and--

  
“What?” Felix sat up and rubbed his eyes. A warrior was always on their guard after all, even in their sleep.

“...O-oh! You’re in bed, I see! Good! Goodnight!” Sylvain let out a shaky laugh and began to back out. Or rather, that was what he  _ wished _ was happening, but his body was once again not responding to his commands.

“...” Felix stared at him as if he was looking at the dumbest person on earth. There was a moment of silence; Sylvain was trying to make his body respond, meanwhile Felix was trying to grasp what was going on.

The sight of the redhead wearing his bed covers as a hood, the constant shivers running through his body and those eyes filled with  _ fear _ spoke for themselves really. 

In the end, Felix just turned around and laid down once again.

“Are you going to stand there, or are you going to come over here?” he mumbled while using his leg to pat the free side of his bed. Sylvain swallowed. This wasn’t what he wanted. It was fine when Felix needed him, but the other way around?

_ ...Why did he come here in the first place? _

Yet, he closed the door behind him and wobbled towards the bed. He hid himself in his covers once he was next to him. Felix’s back was facing him anyway, but to be in a bed now did not feel safe.

The silence continued. No words spoken by either, but neither could sleep. They both knew that. One felt incredible guilt for disturbing his closest friend’s sleep and causing him yet another headache.

What Sylvain did not know however, was that Felix felt a sense of relief from the visit. Finally he had a chance to repay for all those times Sylvain had been there for him, remained by his side, and most of all,  _ taken his hand. _

Thing was, Felix did not exactly excel at words, so he decided to do the second best thing and do as Sylvain would’ve done. He turned around onto his back and held out his hand.

_ Felix’s hand. _

Sylvain let out a hiccup. The sight alone made his whole body freeze up. What was that hand going for? What did it desire?  _ What part of him- _

“Take it, idiot.” Felix mumbled. Of course he heard and  _ felt _ how Sylvain’s body froze up from the gesture. He had no clue why he would respond that way considering how he rarely opened up about his feelings, but he was not going to let him off the hook this easily.

“...” Sylvain observed it. His body was still tense and on its guard, but the longer he saw it simply lay there without as much as a twitch, the more he understood that  _ he was in control.  _ It was  _ his choice _ to take it or not.

_ Felix’s hand... _

He did not take it. Instead, he let out a shaky laugh and sat up. How stupid of him, to even walk over here in the first place. There was no reason to. 

“S-sorry, I’ll leave you alone, alright? I just-”

“Sylvain.” Felix sat up too this time around, sending the redhead a harsh glare. He was fed up about how  _ he _ could also leap like a lost child to Sylvain’s side, but Sylvain never seemed to depend on him.

“Yeah, I know, I woke you up.” Sylvain pulled that fake smile of his and began to slowly make his way towards the door. 

_ No _ , his pace  _ hastened _ . Faster.  _ He had to get out of here. _

“No, I mean, just-” but before Felix could finish, Sylvain had already shut the doors and left the room. He could not be there anymore. He’d caused enough trouble as it was. Even if Felix was  _ different _ , he was still using him.

That was what his mind told him, at least, _ especially on a night like this one. _

* * *

  
  
  


The next day felt like a whirlwind. From the horses in the stables being loose to the kitchen almost burning down thanks to Annette accidentally putting the carrots on fire with her magic, there was no time for the boys to even get a glance at each other.

This was the kind of day Sylvain preferred, however. There was not a single moment where he could sit down and think about the events from the night before, nor was there a single moment he would be sitting down and falling asleep due to the lack of any rest. 

In fact, when they did have a break, he went to town to gain some control of himself again. Last night made him a mess thanks to that  _ damn dream _ , so he had to regain his composure. A couple of girls went straight to him once they knew it was the bearer of the Gautier Crest, and he managed to appear unappealing and gross for them in less than five minutes.

Just a _ skirt-chaser _ , unloyal, dumb,  _ trash _ .

_ It was better this way _ . _ Better to be unloved by everyone. _

As the night rolled by and the bars weren’t even open, he decided it was better to head to his room. He’d promised to give his father an update on everything at school, especially due to all the strange events as of late. Nothing was worse than writing a letter…

_ The replies were always filled with disgusting, fake praise, no matter what he wrote. _

Only the sound of his pen rasping against the paper was filling the room while he was working on the letter. He didn’t like the echo. It always made him much more cautious about any other sound emerging from the silence;  _ like those footsteps _ in the hallway.

_ Footsteps... _

His hand stopped moving, his eyes widening. He could hear them approach the room. Memories flashed before his eyes; how Miklan would call his name, followed by a dark chuckle. How his father would tell about a girl visiting. Her giggles. The gentle tap of her feet across the floor, prancing, to meet the bearer of the Crest--

“Sylvain.” 

**“AAAGH-!** ” Sylvain almost broke his quill in surprise when he turned his head towards the guest in the door.

_ Felix. _

“Oh, it’s just you.” He let out a small laugh, both from relief  _ and  _ fear with how it was Felix who stood there. After last night, he’d wished for one day away from him so the latter would forget all about what happened.

“What do you mean ‘it’s just you’?” Felix sighed while closing the door, making his mark that he was  _ not _ intending on leaving anytime soon.

“Did something happen? Do you need a hug?” Sylvain’s usual cheeky tone was back in place, which made the other roll his eyes in frustration. 

“Says the one who screamed the moment I arrived.” He sat down onto Sylvain’s bed and placed his pillow there. It was Sylvain’s turn to sigh this time, knowing that he could not cover up anything at this point. Felix was here to stay for some reason.

_ It didn’t really hit him how this was something he used to do all the time in the past when he sensed that something was wrong with Felix. The latter knew, however. _

He turned around to continue his letter. “Sorry, Margrave Gautier wants updates, so I need to finish that up first.” His plan was also to just read until he would eventually pass out, but with Felix there, that plan went out the window.

“I’ll be here anyway.” Felix was already in his pajamas, making a statement that he was really here to stay for the night. 

Sylvain simply gave a nod as a reply.

Once again, it was only the sound of the pen rasping against the paper that echoed through the room. It made him completely forget about his guest; it felt as if it was just a hopeful wish.

_ Wish? Why would he think that? He didn’t want Felix to worry about him. _

Yet, when he finally finished the letter, put it in the envelope, carefully sealed it and put it aside, Felix was still sitting on the bed behind him, now wrapped in the covers. Sylvain turned around…

...and turned back, only to meet a deadpan expression.

“I’m real.” He spoke, sticking out his tongue from Sylvain’s gestures. “I’m not leaving.”

_ It did still not hit Sylvain how Felix was just copying him. _

“My bed is always available for you,” Sylvain stood up and began to unbutton his shirt, “but please tell me what happened. Did you have a bad dream? Did something happen today? What-”

“Please. Those are the questions I should be asking  _ you. _ ” Felix crossed his arms. Sylvain stopped. 

Once again, the room went quiet for a short moment, until Sylvain let out a laugh,  _ again,  _ while scratching the back of his head.

“I know it’s late, but I was just writing a letter-”

“Yet you screamed when I just entered the room, you’ve been absent-minded all day today,  _ and _ you came into my room last night with the covers over your ears?” Those sharp brown eyes were trying to get inside his skull, Sylvain could feel it.

“That was last night. Seriously, I’m fine-”

Felix stood up and grabbed Sylvain’s shoulders harshly. The latter felt himself tensen up, frost grabbing his body with force.

“Stop lying to me!” He growled, with a painful look in his eye. 

“Why do you never speak to me when something ails you?! I’m so  _ tired _ of this being one-sided, Sylvain! It’s so annoying!” His fingers dug into his skin. It was like he tried to rip off his skin and… And...

_ No. _

Sylvain knew it was that  _ caring side _ of Felix coming through. 

_ It was worry. _

_ He was scared. _

“...” Sylvain’s gaze lowered. He let out a bitter laugh this time around, his shoulders sagging. He’d seen that look in his eyes before. Every time he’d visited with some bruises on his face, or when Felix had heard Miklan speak ill of him, or that time with Dimitri…

…

“...I had a nightmare, ok? It’s… It’s nothing new.” He whispered, as if it was a  _ sin _ to speak about it out loud. 

The hold onto him loosened.

“I honestly don’t know why I went to you though. I’m sorry about that-”

He felt his heart stop for a moment, as Felix’s arms went around him, holding around him tightly. An extremely rare gesture from the  _ lone wolf _ Felix, but in the end, they were kind of both lone wolves. A pack, the two of them, who had this strange mutual understanding of each other.

“...I was  _ happy _ you did,  _ idiot.”  _ Felix whispered back, gritting his teeth in frustration over how he couldn’t hold himself back tonight. 

“...Happy…?” Sylvain’s eyes widened when he was hit by a realization. Maybe it wasn’t just him who felt a sense of relief whenever Felix came running towards him whenever there was something. Sure, during battle they always had each others backs and protected each other, but this…

_ ...it went both ways. Of course it did. Felix’s heart was bigger than his own, after all. _

“Don’t make me say it again.” Felix mumbled while burying his nose into Sylvain’s shoulder to hide the incoming blush. Sylvain chuckled and wrapped his arms around Felix, holding him very close.

_ Closer than ever, really. Maybe he needed this way more than he’d like to admit. _

For a moment, it would be fine to just stay like this. How many times hadn’t they hugged when they were younger? Until the Tragedy of Duscur, Felix had always been one to accept and give hugs when it was just the two of them. It was a good source of comfort.

Their hearts were nestled against each other, beating in a steady rhythm together. It was  _ their _ little secret, their warm, hidden haven where they could be fragile children once more. 

  
Sylvains forehead rested on top of Felix’s shoulder. He felt himself melt completely in the embrace. Yet, no skin was falling off, nor was any part of him being taken away. Felix was different.

He always felt so protective over the boy, yet right now, he wanted to be kept safe from the horrors his mind loved to pull him through, and Felix was providing such safety for him.

Soon, they were resting side by side in Sylvain’s bed. He told Felix about the nightmare this time, still in a hushed tone; his voice quivered more and more the deeper they got into the story. It was a tale he’d never spoken out loud before, so it felt foreign to him and scary.

Especially strange was it to see how Felix kept his attention at him through the whole story. Everything was written in his eyes; the shock over what he was told, and the question whenever this had really happened or not.

He answered that, too. It wasn’t an answer Felix felt relief over.

“...So this is why you are out all night…” Felix mumbled once Sylvain finished. The latter gave a nod.

“I’m not hooking up girls, trust me. I’m good at making girls hate me after all…” He noticed how Felix held out his hand again.

_ Felix’s hand. _

He recalled all those times he would hold out his own for Felix to hold, and the latter would  _ always _ take it. Even as they’d grown older, he still took it eventually and held onto it for his dear life. 

Yet, last night, he had rejected that too. But tonight…

...tonight, he took it. 

It had always been surprisingly soft despite all the times he held onto a sharp blade. Sylvain couldn’t help but smile a little.

“...What are you doing then…?” Felix was looking away all of a sudden, possibly to hide the incoming blush.

“...Sometimes I just head to the library and read until I pass out, other times I just study to, well, pass out… And sometimes, I just drink until I pass out.” The last words were more difficult to admit than he’d like them to be. 

Now, Felix’s eyes dared to look back at him again.

“Next time, just come into my room. People already think you’re off taking ladies to bed.” Felix playfully kicked Sylvain’s knee, which made the other snort.

“That’s what I want them to think.” Sylvain moved a little closer towards Felix so the two of them would get underneath the covers.

“...I’ll never understand that part of you.” Felix sighed, allowing the other to get closer. It was somewhat nostalgic to be sharing a bed like this, as it was far from the first time. It was just the first time they did it at Garreg Mach.

A silence fell over the room once more, but it was a comfortable silence. Sylvain felt his eyes growing heavy; but tonight, he did not fear it.

“...Felix?” he mumbled, half-asleep.

“Mm?”

“ _ Thank you. _ ” his smile finally grew normal-sized, as he fell into a peaceful slumber.

“That’s what friends are for, Sylvain.”

  
That night, only good memories of the past danced alongside him in the dreamscape, and the hand reaching for him was there for  _ him _ , not for something out of his control.


End file.
